When it comes to fostering an older child, the road is also one filled with curves and unexpected bumps. However, fostering an older child, while challenging, absolutely can bring about growth within the foster parent. Here are a few reasons why.

1. Simply by saying “yes” to fostering older children, you are choosing to not get bogged down in the belief that “the younger, the better.” Because of this, you learn that fostering older kids is a gift that unwraps itself on a day-to-day basis. You see that older children can learn, grow, and respond to guidance and nurture.
2. You gain a lot of insight into the social and emotional struggles of today’s older youth. It’s hard being a middle-schooler or high-schooler. Multiply that by being separated from a family of origin, being in foster care, and dealing with the effects of trauma, it is easy to understand why some older kids in the system struggle. Fostering older children is a wonderful way to learn how to advocate for their needs.
3. You may be forced to step outside of your comfort zone. Older children can push boundaries (just like younger ones). They can serve up a dish of sarcasm, stand up for themselves, and possibly confront you about issues that mean a whole lot to them. All of these things feel uncomfortable; yet, they pave the way for growth for both you and the youth. Stepping outside of your comfort zone can be scary but also incredibly powerful. 

Fostering older children may not be for everyone; however, the families who have chosen this typically enjoy working older youth. They have come to realize that they can still very much make an impact on the lives of those who need guidance, support and the important feeling of belonging.

The post How Fostering An Older Child Will Make You Grow appeared first on fostering.org.

1. Sloooooooooooow down.

We are jumping right in and number one on the list is to slow it on down. If you do that, most of the other things will fall into place rather easily. Life moves so quickly and most of the time these kids just need someone to sit with them; just sit. Play games, play video games, play with baby dolls, color, talk, paint nails, play basketball. Enjoy them, and take the time to slow down and get to know them. It may mean the world to them because you may just be the first adult who has ever done so. Taking the time to slow down with them is showing them that they are important enough.

2. Routine.

I am not one who loves a good routine myself, however, I am learning that children tend to crave it. I have an adopted son who has Sensory Processing Disorder and a routine is his most FAVORITE thing in the entire world. He NEEDS to know what is happening next and if it’s the same thing every day, then his behavior is off-the-charts fantastic. If the routine is off, we start to see the not so fun behaviors of foster kids and things get a little wild.

Foster children have, more than likely, come from some fairly chaotic circumstances. Routines can set in stone that they are safe, loved, and well cared for. Every day after school we come home and do this activity, then we eat dinner, then it’s bath time, then it’s bedtime, and so on. It creates stability for their little hearts and minds.

3. Have a few rules–not too many, but a few.

Ones that are automatic, all the time, never-changing rules. They must be easy enough to obey but not too high of expectations for children from hard places. We don’t hurt others, we do have fun, we do say kind words, we do serve each other as just a few examples. Keep them short and simple to remember.

4. Love. 

It’s been said to cure all things. I am not quite naïve enough to think that is true because I know that some children come from horrific places. However, I am hopeful enough to believe it could be true and what is the harm in trying. Fostering a home full of love will only help in the healing of the babies and children that enter your home and heart. A home full of peace, joy, comfort, safety, acceptance, a listening ear, a tender heart, patience when it’s hard, and a smile when it’s even harder.

The post 4 Ways To Foster A Home For Foster Kids appeared first on fostering.org.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

And when I tell you ALL things, I mean each and everything from this list can be overcome with love in some capacity.

1. You will be sad to hear their “story,” the reasons that led them to you.
2. Sometimes you see them sneaking and hoarding food, sometimes they save food for parents or siblings for later on or just in case. You’ll wish it mattered that your cupboards are full.
3. The late nights you’ll spend with tears and shaking and the fear of sleeping in a stranger’s home.
4. The questions you know the answer to, that you know you are better off not answering
5. The questions you have but you may never get an answer to yourself.
6. The fact that the child asks no questions and expects complete dysfunction as normal.
7. When you wake up at 3 am from rustling and you find your foster child in their closet, in bed with a sibling, or at the foot of your own.
8. When they introduce you as Aunt or Uncle so-and-so for years even though you feel like mom.
9. When they start calling you mom.
10. On the day of the visit, the parents are there and the kids run from you without looking back.
11. On the day of the visit, the parents aren’t there and the kids don’t want to talk to you about it.
12. When the caseworker stays into the evening throwing off your family’s routine.
13. When you get a caseworker who never stays.
14. When a distant relative comes forward for a child you’ve been with for months.
15. When no distant family member or friend comes forward.
16. On the day of court watching the parents struggle and become frustrated or overwhelmed as they try to make sense of how to fix things.
17. On another court day watching the parents making progress, doing well, and knowing you have done your part, but you feel that deadline looming because you will be sad to see your child go.
18. At the therapist or case managers office waiting because there is a case before you, and realizing there are probably 8-10 after you as well. You see that this is much more prevalent than you ever knew.
19. The day when your child’s parent’s rights are terminated, you will cry for them and your children.
20. When you see the children dancing or singing or doing something that you know to be unique to their DNA and their biological parents, and you almost want to share that, but you know it will just ruin the moment, so you think it to yourself. 
21. When the biological parents don’t get well.
22. On the 16th birthday, first steps, graduation, or even just field trip days when you keep showing up because you know in your heart that it matters even when you are greeted by a disappointed child who was hoping for their parents instead.
23. When major decisions are to be made, and you aren’t in the position to make them.
24. And on the day that you know your child(ren) have gone home and are happy with their parents and doing well, things are in order and the case is closed. You haven’t heard of any new cases lately, you are almost hoping no new children come into the system needing foster care, and then that day your phone rings again. And you are waiting to start back at the beginning with another family.
25. When you realize how needed you are, how important this work is, and you know you can only do so much.

Foster care is the most rewarding trial you will ever walk through. I encourage you to get involved, pay attention, and help those who are doing it if you are unable to yourself. What better result can come from your life’s work than happy, healthy, and kind people who know the power of love because they learned it from there time in foster care.

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